ARMY AGREES SALE & LEASEBACK OF MILITARY PANT STOCK

In a £2bn (£3.8bn) deal signed today, military chiefs clinched the sale & leaseback of the Army's entire undergarment stock, together with a supply & mainentance deal going forward, worth a further £100m over 5 years.

Major-General Sir B.K. Gussett said "This landmark deal will allow the Army to move into the 21st century - it is well known that any world-class army needs to have world-class undergarments at its disposal. We shall be working in partnership with the UK's largest military garment services provider to keep our troops fresh and dry in the very toughest conditions"

Darning and crotch-maintenance services have been subcontracted to Thimbletech. Inc of North Carolina, and used briefs will be shipped to the US for repair and refitting.

Elastic infrastructure services are being provided by GutStretch LLC, based in the Dutch Antilles, whilst the major laundry component of the contract will be fulfilled by Melbourne-based KekRinse Pty.

The Project Integrator will be Amalgamated Defense Shorts of Sacville, a subsidiary of the secretive market player IndoChina Scrote Concern.

The global pant markets received the news with caution, justified by the high price of Y-fronts on the London and New York futures exchanges following the collapse of the Vietnamese elastic crop. Nevertheless the Army's partners plan to hedge their current exposure by purchasing a call option for January delivery of 200,000 pairs of Grot-Tex camoflage boxers from the Hong Kong Stretchy Derivatives Exchange.

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